Hello, and welcome to a special Leap Year edition of Nightcaps!
No clue what that means. None. Frankly, I don’t even know the science behind today. Really, I don’t understand the science behind the month of February at all.
Why is it so short in the first place? What’s the point? Who was the first one to make that call?
It’s all silly to me, but then again, it’s also a slow time of year, and it’s given me some fodder to fill up this early space so I can meet my word count quota before getting to Paige Spiranac.
How’s that for some inside baseball?
On that note, welcome (again!) to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we break out the classics in the hopes of jogging the Google Algo on an otherwise boring final day of February.
So we’ll check in with Paige, who pressed send on an absolute HEATER early this morning, which is saying something because she sends out a lot of missiles.
We’re also going to run the 40 with Tom Brady, who is clearly trying to blow off some steam after getting cuckolded by Gisele (always wanted to work that phrase into Nightcaps), and also take a nice helicopter ride down south.
And by nice, I mean we’re going to plummet into a street pole and hang on for dear life. Sound good?
Pour yourself a Leap Day beer – I’d prefer an Ultra Right and I’m not just saying that because they’re about to hit the actual shelves down here in Florida – and settle in for the final Feb. 29 Nightcaps until 2028!
Paige Spiranac leaps into her spring ʙικιɴι
Come on! That’s a funny pun. I may be using Paige for the Google nerds, but at least I try to put an ounce of effort into the headline.
We don’t mail it in around here, even on a Leap Day.
Fine. I went ahead and did the research for ya’ll so you can sound smart at the dinner table tonight without putting in any effort.
Apparently, a full year is a tad more than your run-of-the-mill 365 days. Turns out, it takes more like 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes and 46 seconds to orbit the sun, according to NASA.
Who knew?!
Anyway, to account for those extra 6-ish hours, someone in a black suit back in the day made the call to add an extra day to the calendar every four years.
That way, we all don’t die.
Well, not quite, but I guess it helps the calendar and seasons stay in sync. Google tells me that without this extra day, calendars would be 24 days off in 100 years.
May not seem like a biggie then, but when you start doing the math, in 700 years without a Leap Day, Northern Hemisphere summers would begin in December.
You think your kids’ kids’ kids’ kids’ kids want to experience a cold July? I don’t think so, animals.
So, to keep the winter coats in the closet during the summer, we have an extra day every four years.
And because of that, we get to see Paige Spiranac in a ʙικιɴι. You’re welcome!
If Tom Brady isn’t safe, none of us are
How about that for a history lesson?! Even I impressed myself with that little rundown.
And you know what? I’m glad I did it. Took some time to piece it all together, but we have to have some brains to go with the boobs around here.
We have class. Don’t forget it.
Now, you know who doesn’t have class? Gisele. I don’t know how to spell her last name and I’m not giving her the satisfaction of looking it up, because she doesn’t deserve it.
In case you missed it, OutKick has had team-wide coverage of Gisele cheating on Tom Brady since news broke last weekend. Yours truly was on it first, and then Joe stepped up to the plate and drove me in with a heater off the wall yesterday:
In the least surprising news I’ve ever read, Tom Brady has now “accepted” that Gisele, the mother of two of his children, was having her back blown out by her boy toy Joaquim Valente and it had been going on for “years,” according to sources who talked to Page Six.
But this is horrible news for humanity and the repopulation of Earth.
It further reinforces the belief in the head of men that they shouldn’t risk half of their 401ks, their Dodge RAMs, 18 years of child support and financial despair by marrying only to find out Beth has been getting rammed by some guy on the coed softball team she joined (by herself, not with you) after losing 30 pounds and getting back into the shape she was in during her senior year of college.
So true.
If Tom isn’t safe, you think we are, fellas? No sH๏τ. And when that starts to sink into the brains of insecure men across the world, the whole marriage thing is gonna be DONEZO.
Sad. Thanks, Gisele. Hope you, Joaquim and your stupid horses are happy.
We’re #TeamTom around here. Let’s see your cutesy little trainer friend keep up with this sort of speed:
